Moved.

I titled this blog as is for my way to “stick it to the man”. But I’ve gotten a little more serious, and have moved it to a new place with a new title, The Dater Hater Blog. Check it out:

http://daterhater.wordpress.com

Also, call me D.H.

The Dreaded Friend Zone

Let me bring you to a situation that you’ve most likely been in. You’ve been dating a girl for about a month or two and it seems like things are going well. Then, one night she asks to have a “talk”.

In this “talk”, you encounter the barrage of Womanspeak unlike the which you’ve never seen. How the “vibe isn’t right”, how it’s “not you it’s her”, and the ilk. You should know where things are going at this point. Even though she probably isn’t outright saying it, it’s true – things are over.

Then, after the official breaking up, she hits you with this curveball.

“I hope we can still be friends.”

I swear that statement must be the most studied and most inconclusive statement in the history of Womanspeak. Why? Because it’s incredibly deceiving.

For example. Three of my relationships broke up, and I was given this proposition of being friends. It hurt like hell to break up, and of course I still had feelings. So I accepted. Please note in ALL three cases, with ALL three women of different ages and backgrounds, the Friend Zone just did not work out. Why? Because they either lost touch with me, went with someone else immediately afterward or worse, treated me as a male girlfriend. The Friend Zone is dangerous and 99.9% of the time ends up in pain.

When you reach the friend zone, there’s no going back. I’ve heard exceptions, but if you’re broken and lonely, you probably don’t want the person responsible to be your friend. So why do it? Because you WANT to be that exception.

In my personal experience, it’s not worth it. If you heard the friend proposition, your response should be “Thanks, but I have enough friends.”, cut your loses, and go. It’s going to hurt to leave them for good, but it will be a lot better in the long run. The Friend Zone poses too many problems to try and inhabit. Sooner or later, your emotions will get the best of you as a “friend”.

So why do women do this? I’m no expert, but I claim that the main reason has to be is that they don’t want to hurt the male ego even more. They know it hurts to break up and how you possibly feel. But they don’t want to come to the realization that they should bow out of your life for good. The solution? Be friends. And since men take up this offer constantly just to be the stooge in the background, they think it won’t have any bad effect on you whatsoever. They’ll move on! they say. Right.

Another reason is because with that person on the background, they have a backup in case they breakup with another dude. This is why a lot of guys accept the Friend Zone: as a fallback. To those guys I say, why bother? Is it REALLY that worth it? Is your self-esteem and self-worth that low? Please. Not to mention there are those girls who keep stringing along guys until they have five to ten bozos in the background vying for her attention. And you know she likes that. Don’t be a schlub.

This is why, as a man, you should bow up gracefully first. Studies show that the dumper usually suffers less than the dumpee. Don’t grovel or accept less. It’ll hurt you. Don’t be fooled by the tempation that is the Friend Zone.

Closing the Deal

Closing is a concept that I’ve recently introduced to my friends when they’ve brought up failure when finishing a conversation with a woman they were interested in. They never seem to close, I said, and that’s important. If you’re talking to a girl that you are interested in, you have to get her phone number. Or else you’ll regret it and the moment is gone.

Asking for the number is a quick way to gauge a girl’s interest. If you get a delay then you know she’s most likely not too interested. If she spits out the digits immediately, then you know she’s very interested. Again, it’s a good way to see how she feels about you after a short conversation.

Now remember – just because you got the number doesn’t mean you are immediately “in”. You still have work to do. She may be trying to just be nice to you. (Of course, saying the word “no” doesn’t cross her mind as being nice. She’d rather lead you on.) And no one says you have ever really have to call her, but if you’re interested, do what you feel. Waiting a few days is the norm, but I suggest you wait longer, like 5-9 days to call her. The reason is that you want to build the mystery.

Guys will come up with various reasons not to close. Shyness and fear of rejection are the top reasons. If a girl initiates a conversation with you, then you know that she finds you good-looking and wants to talk. You gotta close in that regard, unless she brings up a boyfriend or husband.

Closing is important. If you want to get anywhere, you got to remember to do it.

Brainwashing in the Media: Lisa Loeb’s “Stay”

Welcome to what I hope will be a popular feature on this blog, highlighting “brainwashing” in today’s Hollywood culture. If you haven’t noticed, Hollywood likes to portray guys at subservient wimps who follow their girlfriends/wives every single order or super Macho Men who never say yes and control everything in a relationship. The former is done under the guise of “equality”; since men have been in control for so long, the feministas get their way by having the women in control. While this can be fine in moderation, this can lead to males in the media being portrayed as simply spineless slaves.

While I could roll off the numerous commercials over the years, I’ve decided to go with a pop song that kind of proves the concept of challenge. It’s Lisa Loeb’s hit 1994 song “Stay”, which you may remember was from the Ben Stiller movie “Reality Bites”. It’s a Generation X staple. I believe this song to be a great reason of why challenge is great to keep women interested. It’s also an example of calling her bluff, which you should only do unless you wish to accept the consequences in case she either stays OR leaves.

Conversation = Light + Funny

I know, it can be hard to figure out just what to talk about on a date. Especially it’s the first or second or even third one. Guys use this opportunity to blab about how exciting they all are. They are making a strong sell, but this can turn women off. Why? Because they like to talk.

No sexism implied (never on this blog), but they just do. Talking is one thing though. You have to listen. If you slip up and forget a detail and are somehow tested (yes, tested) on it later, it’ll have a significant impact on your chances. In a negative way.

Try to steer the conversation away from depressing subjects. And, as always, AVOID religion and politics, especially if they get too hairy. The key is to keep it light and funny. A sense of humor is a must.

You must also be confident. This should go without saying. You shouldn’t apologize a billion times after every little slip-up or dominate a conversation. Give it some breathing room. If you seem bored or not interested in this girl, don’t flaunt this fact. Yes, go along till the end of the date and if you aren’t satisfied then you know it’s time to cut the cord.

Girls also like doing something that no one seems to understand: bring up exes. This is most likely a test to gauge your reaction. Again, have a snappy comeback ready and remember to change the subject. If it keeps happening, state bluntly that you don’t really appreciate it. If she doesn’t get the hint, she’s out. Again… a mystery why they bring this up. But this doesn’t mean you have to take it.

As always on a date, be curious. Pay for things, open doors, pull out the chair. Dress nice. Be a gentlemen. It’s sad to see these qualities fade as generations past, but it’s something you have to shoot for. There’s confidence and then there’s just not caring at all.

The first date is your first big test. If they schedule a second, you breathe SLIGHTLY easier. Keep the conversation light without giving your entire life story and you’ll increase interest.

Keeping Self-Control

Now before I delve into this post, let me say that this blog isn’t intended to be a fix to all your dating problems. These are just concepts and ideas that can help you correct the mistakes you’ve made in the past. Remember that sticking to these ideas and never deviating will ultimately be good in the long run. Also, no guarantees.

The first point I would like to make that the biggest portion of this blog is going to dedicated to self-control. It’s pretty obvious that most males suffer from their ego. Why? Well, can you handle rejection? If you can’t, it’s your ego at play.

Self-control is a huge part because you’re going to need to your ego and emotions in check. Women don’t want needy or demanding guys. They don’t want the macho dudes or the wimps. (Something I’ll get more into in a future post.)

Keep your self-control and things will get better. If you get on your hands and knees and beg, you just look depressing. This has never worked and never will. Yes, there is a slim chance you’ll be taken back, but you’ve already lost your control. High chance of being dominated.

As I said in the last post, it takes two to tango. Women have the upper hand when it comes to dating and love. But if you don’t allow them to wrap you around your finger completely, you remain your own man.

Just remember: there’s plenty of fish in the sea and that sometimes things happen for a reason. You can’t go back. One chance, per girl, per lifetime. Keep your control and move on.

Mission Statement

If you’re reading this, I’m gonna take a wild guess and say you are male.

If you are not, I’m going to take another wild guess (more an assumption) and say you’re not going to agree with what I have to say.

Now that we have that out of the way let’s get to the meat and potatoes of this blog.

The first point you need to understand: there is a culture war that is stacked against men in the dating world. This isn’t a theory – it’s reality. Throughout the past few decades, fueled by the “feminista” movement, men’s role in dating has been further diminished. The result of this has been increased divorce, unhappy marriages and relationships and a lack of self-control in males. We, as men, have forgotten the power that we hold. Women hold most, if not all, the chips in the game of love, but remember that it takes two to tango.

I plan on using this blog as my personal soundboard on things that I observe in the dating world. Let me tell you that this blog will NOT be politically correct. Sometimes you have to not be in order to spell out the facts.

Why am I doing this? Because in my 24 years on this Earth, I have been to hell and back in regards to dating and relationships to only be blown off at the exact same point. I’ve found my mistake and am in the process of correcting it. You’ll be along for that ride as well.

Future posts will come but this mission statement is here to give you the 411 on what is to be accomplished. Enjoy.